Workers of the world unite

Some observations I had on the world around me:

I read the news in some fashion every day. Be it reading that communist pinko rag The Chronicle, which serves an extra function for wiping if I run out of toilet paper, or simply by having Google news up on my computer screen constantly. I like to think that I keep abreast of what is going on in the world around me. Some of the actions that my fellow human beings engage in, shock me to the core. For instance

The headline of this story, which read: "Texas Teen Faces Capital Murder Charges in Bathroom Death of Her Newborn.'

Right off the bat you know I am a sick fuck because the headline was interesting enough to me to grab my attention and get me to click on the story. The lead was where I found out what kind of a "winning" member of society we were dealing with here: BAYTOWN, Texas - A 14-year-old girl who secretly gave birth in a school bathroom was charged with capital murder Thursday by police, who said she killed the newborn by chocking and flushing him in the toilet.

A 14 year old girl strangling her baby in a middle school restroom?? What the fuck? Where was this girl when I was a horn dog pimply faced teenager in middle school. I mean I know who my eighth grade equivalent of this young go-getter was in my middle school class (Class of 94 if you are curious), but even my schools version of this charm school reject was smart enough to not commit such crimes ON FUCKING CAMPUS! I mean we had a girl in my class that was slutty and dumb enough to get pregnant, but to kill it at school, that takes a valedictorian folks. I'm sorry I don't blame the parents, I blame the entire gene pool of the family, which is probably the section of the pool that the slow children urinate in. And just because its popular to do right now, I will throw some blame in the direction of Jamie Lynn Spears. This 14yo Ma Barker will be added to my list of "worthwhile" Texans:

Alberto Gonzales
George W. Bush (the current president for those who aren't good at social studies)
Anna Nicole Smith
Gary Busey (Yes I love him too but let's face it hes a crack head although entertaining)
David Koresh
John Hinkley (For you social studies major hes the guy who shot to Reagan and James Brady which gave us the Brady bill)
14 year old girl who strangles and drowns baby in school restroom
The Dallas Cowboys
The kind folks at Enron

For those of you who are curious enough to want to know just where Baytown, Texas is, I looked it up.

Baytown is close enough to an urban sprawl in Texas, that you wouldn't think this kind of thing would happen, but let's face it, the more people in a given area, the more chances for stupidity there are. Its basic statistics, larger population yields larger probability of stupidity. You would think this kind of think would only happen out in the sticks, but its not just a po-dunk hick town kind of thing anymore, now the big city girls are doing it too. I mean just look at the Mensa members of Gloucester Massachusetts, who may or may not have entered into a pregnancy pact. Boy I would honestly love it if one of the fathers really was a 24 year old homeless guy...anyway I'm getting off topic....

I guess the point is that kids today are so stupid that a majority of them should be walking around with safety helmets and chastity belts on not only to protect themselves from their stupidity, but to protect the rest of us as well.

Next on the agenda is some local news. I live in Northern California, so bear with me as I share some of my communities brilliance. (Further proof that noone is perfect, we all have reeree moments.) As you can tell from my rant so far, I poke fun at Texas, you can also lump Southern California in that category of favorite targets. Well shit happens everywhere and it just smells worse when its in your own backyard. Case in point.

This article details restaurants in the county of Marin that have not posted the required signage nor have a health inspection report readily available for customers and Joe Q. Average to peruse. What the fuck? Why conceal something like this? One of my favorite parts of this article is the excuse provided by the manager of Max's Cafe in Corte Madera

"State law requires restaurants to post sings advising customers of their rights to see eateries' most recent health inspection reports but, on Monday Manger Joe Breen of Max's Restaurant in Corte Madera wasn't sure.

After 10 minutes in the back room, Breen told an Independent Journal reporter his corporate office would not allow him to supply the inspection document because "You could be anyone off the street.""

Umm excuse me numb nuts that's the point of the law to allow ANYONE off the street to see the health inspection report. Now don't get me wrong I love eating at a good hole in the wall joint that has cockroach infested salads (Henry's on Balboa is good eating). Those are the places that I usually get the best Thai, Mexican and Chinese food among other favorites. But Max's is part of a chain, my frankly if I am crazy enough to eat at a chain, I would expect they have a higher standard of cleanliness than mom and pop hole in the wall insect eatery does. You know because they have actual employees, not just relatives who they pull out of school early, or grandma who is really flatulent working the front counter. They also have some of the higher priced amenities at chain restaurants like, dishwashers.

All these things being said some of the attitudes exhibited by these restaurant proprietors are absolutely hilarious, if not down right scary. "A staff member at Sam's Anchor Cafe in Tiburon contended its inspection was "our private information." But the restaurant quickly produced its report after a staffer reviewed its posted sing with a reporter."

Are you kidding me, what are you from San Diego or Baytown? The fucking card you display in the front of the restaurant tells you that you have to release it to anyone and you need a reporter to read along like its story time in kindergarten? "Now Bobby the card says you have to SHARE your inspection report." "Ok Mrs. Dingleberry I will share my inspection report." "Bobby your such a good little sheiser" "Thank you Mrs. Dingleberry."

Back to the short bus with you. Thanks to the article I have a list of places I will be avoiding until they figure out what to do with their "intelligence challenged" employees:

Max's Cafe in Corte Madera
Sam's Anchor Cafe in Tiburon
Civic Center Cafe in San Rafael (This one is my favorite from the article as it is literally across the hall from the county's health service department. could you be any dumber, Darwin award people...Christmas...)
Casa Ma-Ana in Fairfax
Depot Bookstore and Cafe in Mill Valley
Barefoot Cafe in Fairfax
Il Fornaio in Corte Madera

Really why do I care if I do enjoy eating at a place that gives out cockroaches with its toppings (Hi Henry's)? Because its blatant employee stupidity like these examples that lead to people not washing the tomatoes, which is the cause of all this salmonella hoopla, and making it harder for me to get my fucking bruschetta. Wash the tomatoes, and wash your hands after you wipe your ass crack with them you nasty fucks!

The next article I read was about a woman in New York who apparently was not informed that slavery ended with the emancipation proclamation. Even though it is about 145 years old and was written by the administration of the 16th president and we are on president # 43 now.

I really wish I was filthy rich enough so that I could trample on the lives of others and buy and sell people like chickens on Clement. (Not really, but I do want that kind of money) I swear we fought a war over this slavery thing sometime back in the 19th century, and yet here we are in the 21st century and some people still don't get it.

Anyway this Miss Congeniality contestant was caught with 2 slaves and convicted "of forced labor, peonage, harboring aliens, document servitude and conspiracy in what prosecutors called a "case of modern-day slavery." Peonage. You know we are dealing with mid-evil shit when they bring out verbiage that hearkens back to fiefdom and feudal times. Peonage. Whats next? Vassals poaching deer on the kings land? Plebeians trying to get suffrage?

The lead of this story made me think I was reading about a plantation located in Tennessee in the late 1800's but now this happened in a "Yankee" northern state, in 2007 no less. "NEW YORK (Reuters)- A wealthy New York woman was sentenced to 11 years in prison on Thursday for keeping two Indonesian women as slaves, forcing them to work up to 20 hours a day for years after confiscating their passports."

The last article I read got my goat as well.. Mmmm goat... anyway here goes. AIDS cases up in men who have sex with men -

Now this is nothing new really because we all know that Ronald Reagan and the CIA invented AIDS back in the 80's to dwindle down the population of homosexuals in some fanatical religious government conspiracy. I can't prove that and am being facetious, but if it turned out to be true i really wouldn't be shocked. Nothing evangelicals do these days surprises me.... anyway...

What really bothered me about this article was teh definition of the people who this was affecting. "Public health experts use the term "men who have sex with men", or MSM, because many of these men are not strickly homosexual or even bisexual." Now hold on a second. If you are having sex with a man, and you are a man aren't you obviously a Man having sex with a man (MSM)? I mean the first time its curious, second time your just making sure, but anything after three and you like it, im sorry it aint a one time thing. Now I hate labels, but where I come from if it looks like shit, smells like shit, chances are its shit. And by golly if you are fucking someone of the same sex, after 3 times, you are either gay or bi. I mean since when do you have a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex and are not gay or bi? Did I miss the boat somewhere. Whats the point in terms like gay, bi, transgendered, Paris Hilton, if we aren't using them anymore. By my book if you are screwing someone of the same sex you are one of the above.

And speaking of Homosexuality, can anyone please give me a reason why people are opposed to gay marriage. I mean seriously I have yet to hear a decent argument against giving homosexuals the right to marry and be miserable like the rest of society. Marriage is neither special nor sacred, so what is all the fuss about. Are you afraid of giving DINKS (Double Income No Kids) tax breaks? So why would someone want to deny a segment of the population rights that others enjoy? Other than the fact that you might be from central/southern California, or Baytown Texas and or some other crazy redneck village/shantytown? Seriously.

The article brings to mind the last time I was in a porn shop and perusing the gay wall. I noticed an awful lot of "Bareback (no condom) porn being sold. In fact outside of the porn shop on Polk St., the store boasted a wall length banner advertising its selection of "Bareback" porn. (my favorite title was Bareback Mountain but lets stay on topic..) Now don't get me wrong I am all for raw sexual relations, but lets be real here, if you advertise bareback porn as anything other than a marital aid, and we know in Utah they don't want "the gays" to get married, then you are just promoting bareback culture. Lets not forget that when you sleep with someone you sleep with everyone they ever slept with by proxy. This means if you are having unprotected "bareback" sex there are consequences, like an increase in MSM AIDS cases, or getting a 14 year old girl in Baytown Texas pregnant, or 17 girls in Gloucester pregnant. So the schools need to keep promoting condom use and other safe sex practices, cause once kids get a hold of porn now a days, they will end up doing each other until they get AIDS or fetuses to flush in the middle school toilet.

I have said my part. I am off to the porn shoppe to find me some bareback porn.